Prologue 2

The nonsensical ramblings of someone’s memorandum.

There’s something I want.

No matter how much I rack my head over it, I could arrive at only one, permissible answer. But mysteriously enough, it’s accompanied by an echo of ambiguity.

That’s why, I actually don’t have a tangible understanding of what it really is.

However, every time the words leave my lips, I break into a smile, overcome with the desire to hold my head from embarrassment.

To get a hold of this feeling, I tried thinking of numerous definitions that could be applied to our current relationship, but not a single one fit.

What’s the correct way to define it?

I have several candidates in mind, but while they seem accurate, they also seem misleading.

If even my definition is prone to errors, then what others thought of it would exacerbate those errors even more.

I won’t make the hopeful observation that those who were wrong should just face the same direction. It’s because it isn’t difficult to imagine that I would be the only one looking in the direction away from theirs.

I’ve been thinking ever since then, composing word after word that spring to mind all the while not verifying my thoughts.

Nothing but answers, all fleetingly wrong and whimsical, now and then.

I’d indefinitely play around with words in such a fashion, thinking about their meanings in both a positive and negative light, yet still be left with no clear, right answer.

Even so, there is something like an answer for us, so I decided to vaguely think of it as the right one.

I don’t mean that half-heartedly, because I’m thinking of it as a prerequisite for the answer that should see the most mutual agreement amongst us.

I want to believe that is genuine.

Because I can’t believe in anything else beyond that, or even in myself.

 

In truth, I was just being dependent on it.


Prologue 1Top – Chapter 1

53 thoughts on “Prologue 2

    • Definitely Yukino. Her monologue lacks the conviction in her own beliefs that Hachiman has, while it is far too articulate to be Yui.

    • Well, I wouldn’t say Hachiman truly has conviction since he does commonly doubt himself, but he at least tries to act confident or speak negatively about stuff… his stuff reeks more pessimism….

    • Plus there’s that key word “dependent”, which describes what Yukino was being when she relied on Yui and Hachiman, based on the last episode.

    • True… if you think about it, Yui, Hachiman, and Yukino all have the same problem… they try to hard please others… though in different ways….

      Hachiman keeps himself out of the picture or paint himself as the bad guy, Yukino tries to follow orders while trying to seem like she’s outside, and Yui just tries to fit in in a way that she doesn’t bother others.

    • I want to believe that is genuine.
      Because I can’t believe in anything else beyond that, or even in myself.

      Yup definitely YUKINO. Her actions on Episode 13 states. On her dependency issues that brought more to shine on that Episode and Volume 11 (that’d be translated fully, soon🙂 ) – I can’t wait for more of those Hachiman monologues not present in the anime.

  1. This was a nice memorandum, and on some level I think a nice rebuttal to the idea that Yukino is simply tumbling through her life unawares and without making any effort toward change. She’s keenly aware of her shortcomings, and here is obviously trying to disentangle her jumbled emotions and figure out what exactly it is, that intangible genuine thing, that all of the service club members are grasping for. And it’s clear here too, given the emotional warmth she does feel just imagining it all, that it’s something she has no desire to abandon.

    In a lot of ways, Yukino could probably use a sensei-bridge conversation of her own, she’s in a place I think a bit like 8man in Volumes 8-9. Right now her rationalizations, her over-thinking, her straining to do the ‘right’ or ‘best’ option, are all getting in the way of her ultimately acting and expressing herself honestly, but with the end of volume 11/episode 13, she’s finally getting close.

    • We know it, right. For someone, say, in Yukino’s caliber, it’s impossible for them to not notice their shortcomings. They’re just keep trying to figure it out. Yukino said herself that she’s confused after Hachiman bring his first genuine speech. That affected all the figures Yukino has built about herself, and how to overcome her weaknesses. Which exposes her more to vulnerability, that will lead her to overcome her weaknesses.

    • We really don’t know it, but has Yukino ever gotten some talk/advice similar to the Sensei ones with Hachiman? If not she really is loneliest and most confused of of them all. And she really needs one such talk.

    • I also beg to disaggree. Not all the service club members wants the ‘genuine’ thing. Yui preferred the lie in her diary and said she’ll be ok with just a lie.

  2. “However, every time the words leave my lips, I break into a smile, overcome with the desire to hold my head from embarrassment”

    if the day come, when yukinon stop doing “that” and being genuine, i think that day yukinon will say i love u hachiman in front all people :D:D:D:D

  3. “I have several candidates in mind, but while they seem accurate, they also seem misleading”

    What would this could be?

    • Friendship. What they’re all talking about is friendship. They tell themselves that they cant be friends, they think they dont deserve friendship. Yukino thinks that her friends are never genuine, same with hachiman , and yui while she is popular, she only has friends because she tries to fit in.

    • Introverted people are usually self aware because they think more.

      They think more and therefore they feel more.

      It is a sound psychological and philosophical state for Yukino and Hachiman’s character.

  4. “…since it’s an answer that should be the greatest common factor for all of us.”

    I’m tempted to say that’s the ‘genuine’ thing they crave but with Yuigahama’s insistence on keeping their relationship stagnate, it’s kind of contradictory. Maybe, Yukinoshita don’t know what Yuigahama wanted.

    • I don’t think Yuigahama wanted relationships to stagnate. It was the only solution she could think off. Coming clean with that let’s call it manipulative part of her actions that were hinted through the additional story of 6.5, 10.5 and 11 (at least from what was in the anime) she finally become fully aware. Basically a question – this is also me – do you accept it? And it was not only a question to Yukino but to Hachiman too. If she wanted to talk to Yukino and sway her to be dependent, she could do it the night before.

      Because she doesn’t know what they really wish for, express her emotions through actions, or can it ever be achievable is the reason why she accepted the possibility that even a lie being good enough. That the answer she would receive could be a consent to a lie. It isn’t her wish – it’s acceptance of that outcome. Similar to how Hachiman in his thoughts about their relationship being transient and temporary and that in the future it’ll just fade away (for instance, at the end of volume 10 in the talk with Hayato).

      It also fits with an another theme related to her – trying to keep their relations going on at all costs. To a certain extent it’s the same problem that she had in volume 8. In addition, it’s an logical conclusion of the talk they had at Yukino’s apartment in Vol. 6 about relying on them.

      However,most likely, this is not all, or maybe I’m wrong on certain points. Only after 11 is translated I can say more certainly.🙂

    • ^ I didn’t think so.
      At least until now, we still don’t know what exactly “EVERYTHING she wanted ” is. Maybe its not 8man’s love, Yukino’s friendship or SC’s relationship. So we can’t judge her actions rightly.

    • By maintaining a lie Yui defintely wants relationships to stagnate.
      It’s an inevitable effect and the cause is the lie.

      No matter how you complicate it by saying that she’s manipulative or too kind-she still is ok with a lie and that idea never bode well even in real life!lol

      This is the reason why Yui is dense, because she does not aceept and deal with reality, she does not know how. Her only way of dealing with it is faking everything-she merely avoids it with a forced smile-so common for normal people.

  5. This Whole thing reeks of Yukinon, I Wonder about the candidates part because I’m not sure if she’s referring to a person, a thing or a though, anyway good work😀

    • it’s referring to the sentence before it.

      “What’s the correct way to define it?

      I have several candidates in mind, but while they seem accurate, they also seem misleading.”

      Candidates for the correct way to define it.

  6. ” However, every time the words leave my lips, I break into a smile, overcome with the desire to hold my head from embarrassment. ”

    I really want to see that.

  7. “I won’t make the hopeful observation that those who were wrong should just face the same direction. It’s because it isn’t difficult to imagine that I would be the only one looking in the direction away from theirs.”

    So she really is mortified that if she acts and she is wrong she will lose them both and descent again in loneliness and despair.

    • True, Yukino is no social animal like Hayama and Haruno. Therefore when she shows that she cares, she really does.
      As opposed to Yui who thinks that every insect deserves her love, uhg what a philosophical prostitute.

  8. Yuigahama wants their relationship to stagnate, the way that it is, even if it’s a lie. That’s why she said that in the ending of episode 12. Yukinoshita wants something and that is “an answer that should be the greatest common factor for all of them”. She wants to become special, someone who is capable of doing things herself. She wants something that Haruno and Hachiman don’t have but herself. That’s why she wants to change. She doesn’t want to chase someone’s back and depends on other. She wants to do it herself. That’s why she wants to change. it contradicts Yui’s proposal to maintain as it is. And, Hachiman wants something genuine, something that is not superficial and fake relationships or lies. That’s why he refused to accept Yui’s proposal.

    • Don’t judge it too early..
      “Everything she wanted ” – She didn’t specify it at all, we still don’t know about it.
      It could be something else. Not like you guys thought. -> Need more info or at least when the whole vol 11 be translated .

  9. “In truth, I was just being dependent on it.”
    “In truth, I would be fine if it was just a lie.”
    Dependency and superficiality are what Hachiman hates. If, and only if those memorandums are yukinon’s and yui’s, will hachiman be able to accept both of it? Or will he change both of yui and yukino so they can stay away from both superficiality and dependency? goddammit I’m dying to know —

    • I’m not sure why dependency is so wrong…we depend on friends and family all the time, unless it’s drug dependency. Lol

      Reading the LN and watching the anime, I don’t see any bad form of dependency that Yukino has. She was mostly alone and very capable, her dependence could actually be defined as an honor to some people. Read: A proud, beautiful, intelligent woman depending on a man? Oh he must be a man cut above the rest!

      A lie on the other hand is blatantly wrong no matter how you phrase it.

      So I’ll rephrase your question: Honor or lie? We don’t even have to ask Hachiman, ask what a person of integrity would choose.

    • Oh and when did Hachiman say that he hated dependency?

      He was actually being there for everyone except for Yukino.
      He said he wanted Yukino to fix her own problems.

      Love is indeed exception-making…or so I guess.

    • It would be Yui’s… if she picks up literature books more often, and somehow walks the same life Yukino has.

    • It would be Yui’s if she was able to grasp logic and not be ok with a lie.

      There’s a huge difference between the two:

      Yukino calls it a pre-requisite.
      Yui calls it a lie.

      To Yukino, she sees their situation as a necessary phase that would lead them to an answer and finally to what is genuine. A getting to know each other phase, a test stage.

      To Yui, she sees their situation as a lie because most of her relationships were feigned with that Hayama-like smile and that let’s-all-agree-with-each-other social technique of hers.

      If Yukino finds the truth, it will be a whimsical competition.
      Yukino is very competitive afterall, Yui won’t stand a chance.lol

  10. We heard “In truth, I would be fine if it was just a lie.” already, okay.
    But how does it sound for “In truth, I was just being dependent on it.”?

  11. Sorry if it’s already been asked. In the part near the end,

    Even so, there is something like an answer for us, so I decided to vaguely think of it as the right one.
    I don’t mean that half-heartedly, because I’m thinking of it as a prerequisite for the answer that should see the most mutual agreement amongst us.
    I want to believe that is genuine.

    In the original Japanese, is ‘genuine’ acting as a noun or an adjective there in the last sentence? Is ‘genuine’ a modifier for ‘that’ or is it defining ‘that’? Basically the difference between

    I want to believe that answer is what genuine is.
    vs
    I want to believe that answer is: genuine.

    It’s pedantic I know, but if ‘genuine’ is the ‘answer’ she talks about in the previous two sentences, then it’s the idea of ‘genuine’ itself that she’s clinging to. If she’s instead wanting to believe that the ‘answer’ she speaks of is a genuine one, then that makes the whole monologue read like a long somewhat rambling attempt to determine what ‘genuine’ means culminating in some sort of definition or answer at the end that she never clarifies but is clinging to.

  12. Hm at least from the anime I can’t say Yukino knows about Yui’s feelings to Hachiman before the sleepover at Yui’s place, which I believe is where she learnt about it. Because before that she never saw Hachiman and Yui’s interaction when it’s just the 2 of them, unlike Yui who saw/heard the infirmary scene. And Yukino even practically beg for Yui’s support when trying to give chocolate to Hachiman, which would be really insensitive if she knows about Yui’ feeling.

    So is this “something” that she wants, should it be read as related to Yui? Not really sure.

    • FYI… It should go without saying: SPOILERS ahead

      The perspective of Yui knowing how Yukino feels about 8man (even if Yukino takes her time realizing for herself) but Yukino being oblivious to how Yui feels is one that I never thought of before and definitely changes the meaning of certain interactions. However, I am on the fence for how accurate this is. On the one hand, as you point out, it explains how she was so quick to look to Yui for help in giving the chocolates to 8man in s2 e13 but on the other, I have to ask if she was so upset and self-aware at any of the times Irohas was blatantly hitting on 8man, that she completely missed Yui having a similar reaction.

      Going back to your side of the fence, it also explains why she was so quick to accept Yui’s proposal to leave the choice up to the SC Battle Royale. She was already filled with doubts about her judgement and abilities, then she is suddenly hit with information (Yui all but confessing to 8man) she never even considered. What little strength and self-confidence she had left simply evaporated. Therefore, she would have agreed to anything at that point. But of course 8man wouldn’t allow that (“[Yukino] is strong. That is the image I had created for her”) and snapped her back to her senses. Staying on your side of the fence, this would also explain why now is when she decides to make a request herself.

      On a separate note, does anyone know if vol 11 includes whatever Haruno said to 8man when they are all at Yui’s? Or what Yukino’s request is?

  13. “What’s the correct way to define it?

    I have several candidates in mind, but while they seem accurate, they also seem misleading.”

    I bet what’s misleading Yukino is Yui’s effort to maintain a lie.

    Now I’m doubting Yukino and 8man’s intellect for actually letting a collosal dunce like Yui permeate their pure and logical philosophy.

  14. Dependent..Yukinon right?
    A lie..Yui right?
    Genuine..Hikki?🙂

    Yui is fine with a lie to maintain the way things are, yet Hikki’s genuine is not “allowing” her to have her way. Yukinon is..dependent🙂 In any case, Yukinon will have to make her own decision🙂

    I rewatched the anime season two last episode for abt 4 times..? I have a scary thought that..Yukinon may be force to transfer away if she can’t solve her problem…just a thought

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