There’s something I want.
It’s something that probably means a lot to me.
There are other things I find important, but lumped together, you could say they were necessary.
The thing I want isn’t tangible, so I really don’t know if that’s the right idea or not.
I do have an idea of its shape, but I’m not that good at thinking nor am I diligent, so I’m not confident I’m on the right track.
Maybe if I was smarter or purer, I could come up with an answer that would convince myself and those around me.
If only I could properly explain and convey what I wanted. If only I could engross myself in it to the point that nothing else mattered to me.
In the end, I’m not the smartest person around, and I’m unfair, so I could come up with only one answer.
It’s just one, yet my idea of something genuine somehow doesn’t feel realistic.
That’s why, it doesn’t matter if I understand it, if I don’t understand it, if I’m dumb, if I’m unfair and cruel, I keep thinking of one idea after the other about what that genuine thing truly is.
But it feels like no matter which one I choose, I’d be completely wrong.
The thought that I could possibly end up with the wrong answer and be unable to take it back makes me incredibly scared.
I don’t want to be wrong.
I don’t want to lose it.
It doesn’t have to be right because I want to take those hands.
But I’m sure that’s not the answer that they want.
What I want and what they want are so similar, yet why are they so different?
But if that’s the only answer I can come up with, then I want to make sure I understand it no matter how hard it is. If it’s for that, I think I can hang in there.
But I get scared that the more I try, the more it’ll get farther away from me.
The truth is, I’d be fine with a lie.